In a pivotal moment in 1970, Neil Diamond auditioned for the lead role in a film about the legendary comic Lenny Bruce. Though he did not secure the part, this experience birthed one of his most iconic and emotionally raw songs, “I Am… I Said.”
Unlike his previous hits that primarily revolved around character-driven narratives or universal love themes, this track was the first to reveal Diamond’s innermost feelings and struggles. His commitment to breaking into movies was intense, despite his limited acting background. Producer Marvin Worth’s pursuit of him for the Bruce biopic led Diamond to immerse himself in the character, even performing an entire standup comedy set at The Bitter End West in West Hollywood—a moment fans have longed to hear, though recordings remain elusive.
Diamond’s audition was well-received, but the experience left a profound effect on him. Bruce’s mother, Sally Marr, attended the audition, unsettling Diamond as he spoke the words of a deceased artist under her watchful gaze. Moreover, Bruce’s material was far more explicit than Diamond was accustomed to. As Diamond expressed in an interview with Rolling Stone,
“He was just saying all those things I had been holding in. It was all the anger that was pent up in me. Suddenly here I was, speaking words that I had never spoken before. These violent monologues of his, and the way he acted. And I went into therapy almost immediately after that.”
The song emerged as a therapeutic outlet during a time of deep reflection. In 2008, Diamond candidly shared with Mojo that the song was a conscious effort to express his dreams, aspirations, and personal identity, directly inspired by sessions with his analyst. The lyrics also reflect his feelings of displacement upon leaving his birthplace, New York City, for Los Angeles, where he remained an outsider. He revealed in a separate interview with Q that even decades later, performing the song still unsettled him emotionally.
While some of Diamond’s classics were composed swiftly—he once claimed “Heartlight” took just an hour—“I Am…I Said” was anything but easy. It took him four long months of painstaking work, struggling with its complex rhyme scheme. He recalled,
“I wrote the first verse, and when it came to writing the second, I had to use the same format, and the first verse was so complicated that it was almost impossible to write that form when I came to the second. It had to be the exact same rhyming pattern.”
Released in March 1971, the song quickly dominated radio waves, peaking on the charts by May. It holds a unique place in Neil Diamond’s discography as the only song to appear twice on the same album, Stones (1971). Seen as his homage to the singer-songwriter movement, Stones included covers from Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, and Randy Newman, but opened and closed with two versions of “I Am…I Said.” The album’s closing reprise, beginning with the second verse and accompanied solely by strings as Diamond powerfully shouts “I am!,” was praised by Rolling Stone’s Paul Gambaccini as being “as touching as the single itself.”
However, the most definitive rendition may be found on his 1972 live album, Hot August Night, where the song—backed only by acoustic guitar—exudes intimate emotional turmoil without the dramatic crescendo listeners might expect. Diamond’s delivery reveals the pain, toughness, and confidence that shaped the song’s creation.
The lyrics vividly express his dual sense of belonging and alienation, with lines like:
L.A.’s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feeling is “lay back”
Palm trees grow and rents are low
But you know I keep thinkin’ about
Making my way back
Well I’m New York City born and raised
But nowadays
I’m lost between two shores
L.A.’s fine, but it ain’t home
New York’s home
But it ain’t mine no more
“I am”… I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
“I am”… I cried
“I am”… said I
And I am lost and I can’t
Even say why
Ultimately, “I Am… I Said” stands as a gripping testament to Neil Diamond’s battle with identity, loneliness, and emotional release—a powerful narrative captured through lyrics and performance that continue to resonate, especially with those who understand the ache of being caught between worlds.